The question: What causes earthquakes?
Answer: When scientits plates collide they can cause earthquakes.
Err scientits??? I'm assuming they wanted to stay scientist...oh tectonic my darling... it's TECTONIC plates.
While taking the students out in pairs and doing an activity where they had to order the events of the Contemporary age. I had one boy and one girl. Both of them are extremely smart, and were going through the activity fairly quickly. The boy was on a roll, not really being a team player, and the girl was jumping in and putting in her two cents. The boy frustrated wanting to figure things out just tells her "Be quiet, stop, let me think, I'm doing it, just shut up" And she replies with "Yo no me pienso callar" Which essentially means "I have no intention of being quiet" I was very proud of her at that moment, as I looked in awe for a second and then resumed teacherly tasks of getting them to work better as a team.
So to supplement my income I teach two private classes. On a Thursday afternoon I was playing a game with my 8 year old where I had a box full of random words. She had to pick a word, spell it correctly (not saying E for I...) tell me what it means in Spanish and use it in a sentence. At the end we would tally the points for everything she did correctly.
She pulls out the the word walrus, and she says I don't know...YOU! I look at her, and she says she really doesn't know what it means. So I explain to her why she shouldn't make jokes like that because it could come out very bad....Oh aren't children wonderful.
Here are a few example of where I leave behind my adulthood and have to fight giggling uncontrollably at what my students say.
-While my students were studying for their comprehensive exam we had to work with our solar system. And every single one of them pronounced Uranus as urine.
-As a language assistant you're used as a reference for pronunciation. One day I had been working all morning with second graders and clothing. So I would say to the class "scarf" and 20 of them would shout it back to me properly. "Shirt", "trousers" and so on. At the end of the day I had my sixth grade class who was working on the human reproductive system, and with the same pronunciation exercise I said "penis" to them and had 20 eager 6th graders all shout "Penis" in unison towards me... I couldn't stop the laughs.
-My student during a brainstorming activity trying to prove his point on what materials to choose "A poster without paper is like a pool with no water"
-When my first graders were taking an exam I had to take outside the ones that finished early and practice English with them. So since I had been practicing spelling their name with them I decided to see how they were doing with remembering it. The group of 6 kids finished spelling, and did it rather well, then this exchange happened.
Student 1- (excited) I could spell it right, because we worked on it all morning.
Student 2- I knew it, because I'm the smartest kid in the class... so that's all there is to it.
Oh what wonderful 6 year old lol
-Another activity language assistants do is take students out and ask them basic questions that they are going to be asked on their English qualifying exams. My fourth graders come in pairs and I facilitate a conversation with them. And here is how one went.
Me: Student A, why don't you ask Student B what he had for breakfast this morning?
Student A: What did you have for breastfuk this morning?
Me: No, no, no... breaKfaST.
Student A: Breastfuk
Me: (Trying with all my being to hold in my giggles). Ok, ask him again what he had
Student A: What did you have for breastfuk?
Me: Okay, Student B, tell us what you ate...
Since language assistants are not allowed to speak Spanish under any circumstance, we were asked to tell the students we can't speak it. This makes it like a challenge for students to try to make you speak it. They are constantly telling us "come on, can you say 'Hola'" One day when I had a 6th grader asked me to speak Spanish, I replied I can't if I do the teacher will beat me and I could lose my job. To which she very passionately replied, "You are not a peasant this isn't the middle ages, you don't have to pay your dues to the king." I guess she really was paying attention in class
This whole not speaking Spanish isn't always convenient, especially when the school secretary doesn't speak English. One day after a stressful lunchtime activity class, I ran into the secretary because she's a spunky older lady who can put the kids in their place. So I needed tell her about a fight that went down with the kids. I had the whole class in front of me so I ended up looking like a dunce trying to use similar English words to Spanish so she would understand. After still getting a blank look I told one of the students to tell her what went down. After that went down a student came up to me with the most sincere having pity for my face and said "You need to practice your Spanish..." I just laughed it off and sent them to lunch.
The most horrifying conversation with a student on the metro ride home before my birthday weekend.
Student- How old are you?
Me- 24 almost 25
Student- (super surprised) Really?! I thought you were 40!
Student's father- How could you think she's 40 if I'm almost 50?
Student (still genuinely stunned)- I don't know. I just thought you were a lot older.
Me- Well darling, you've just failed English class...that's for sure lol. (she's lucky she's one of my favorites)
The language assistants got their schedules changed in order to accommodate upcoming standardized tests to give practice to those who need help first. I got to the first grade classroom, and took them out in pairs to ask basic questions like "What's your name?' "Do you have any brothers or sister?" or "What is the weather like today. There was one boy who didn't want to come because he didn't know me, but the teacher forced him to come along. So we had our conversation and I sent him on his way back to get the next pair from the class. Later I heard him cross path with a classmate and he asked "Did you have her, isn't she cool?" My heart melted...